......... sup

a hair tie lies trapped under a heart-shaped box
the leftover container lid lies dirty, upside down.
the heater blows dry hot air into the room, but fails to warm it.
my cell phone clock is all that appears.
the screen flashes from here to there.
failed movie attempts lie curled from pressure.
lack of motivation in a dr. pepper bottle.
songs i wish i could have written.
useless cds that won't play or burn.
books only read once, stored for decoration.
talent bought, talent turned to hobby, and talentless beauty.
pressing on the keys to make the troubles go away.
or so i thought.
sometimes i feel doomed to live this life forever.
living in someone's finger.
i should live in my own fingers.
pressing on the keys to make myself heard.

"does he even give a shit about you?" no. it is and has been obvious. it just came back to me all of a sudden. but not really. i just wanted it to for a little while. it was fun while it lasted...kind of...in the moment. but it's gone. bye bye. letting go feels wonderful. and not even just letting go of "him." releasing my grip of worrying if someone doesn't like me and giving them a piece of my mind. i've done that twice in the past couple months...it feels fantastic. i just have to have the guts to do it when it really matters.

i only seem to be happy when i'm drunk or caffeinated. 

a change is in order.